DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
