dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
