Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
