you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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