It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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