you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
