I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
