we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
