You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
In America we eat man semen.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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