i think my mom watched the whole time
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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