You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
