Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
