I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
