It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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