It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
