Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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