Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
