She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
