I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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