Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
