went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
