I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I would ride that face into the sunset
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
