i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
