we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
