when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
