Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
