I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
