I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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