Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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