Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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