So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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