dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize