I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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