I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
