hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
