I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
