My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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