If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
