this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
