After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
