Taylor Swift is so right about you.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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