I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
honey bunches of taint.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
