You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
