thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
