You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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