i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
