just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
