wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Are we still banned from the library?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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