i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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