Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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