Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
