I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
