Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
