kristin has been a bad kristin
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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