There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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